


Dear Carol Danvers

by adorkabealekendrick



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, F/F, Grief/Mourning, Letter, Romance, Tragic Romance, a letter, carol danvers and maria rambeau, carol danvers/maria rambeau - Freeform, carolmaria
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-19
Updated: 2019-07-19
Packaged: 2020-07-08 20:27:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19875601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adorkabealekendrick/pseuds/adorkabealekendrick
Summary: Not knowing how to reach the presumed-to-be-dead love of her life, Maria writes Carol a letter of desperation.





	Dear Carol Danvers

Dear Carol Danvers,

I miss you.

I have never felt more trapped in my entire life.

Not when I got locked in my bedroom all day as a kid, not when I had a breakdown at a party in high school, not in flight school when they told me I’d never make it because I was a black woman.

Never. Never in my life have I felt this...ruined. This small. This trapped. 

I’m trapped in a nightmare, Carol. A nightmare.

You know how we showed Monica Alice in Wonderland recently? And she fell down down down deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole? Yeah. I’m Alice, right now. The hole is grief, and I’m absolutely drowning in it.

It hurts, baby. Jesus Christ. It hurts so much. I miss you so much. More than I’ve ever missed anyone.

I don’t know what to do with myself anymore. I’ve done every little thing with you by my side for the last eight years. What the hell am I supposed to do now that you’re not there anymore? Monica needs you. I need you, Carol. I need you so damn badly. I need you more than anything. And you’re gone. You  _ and  _ Lawson, two out of the three most important people in my life are gone. How the hell is someone supposed to survive that? It hurts. Everything hurts. Writing this stupid letter fucking hurts. It’s pointless anyway. You’re gone.

They said you were destroyed in the crash, blown to smithereens, erased, eradicated from existence. But I don’t believe them. You’re gone, I know that. I know. I can’t admit it to myself, I haven’t fully realised it yet, but I know. But you know what? You’re not dead. You’re not. I will never be able to believe that. It’s not true. You wouldn’t die, you would never leave me and Monica here alone. You wouldn’t. You wouldn’t even leave Tom and Jerry here alone without you up early to binge the stupid cartoon every weekend. Something else happened and I wish I knew what. I wish I could help you.

Anyone reading this probably thinks I’m delusional. So...worn out by the exhaustion and the interviews and the court cases and the guilt and the loneliness and the helplessness and the hopelessness and the struggle and the pain and the grief. So worn out that I’m going mad. But my head has never been so clearly on my shoulders. And yours...wherever the hell you are, it’s in the clouds. That’s how it’s always been and that’s how it’ll always be. You and me. Grounded and clouded. It’s just much more literal this time.

Jesus fucking Christ, this hurts.

I’ve never written you a letter before because I’ve never been away from you long enough to do so. But there’s a first for everything. Just like there’s a first for the head of the air force knocking on your door and telling you your best friend is dead. Just like there’s a first for the avalanche of pain that strikes you in your chest when you hear the words. Just like there’s a first for your daughter having to sit and watch your gut-wrenching sobs whilst she asks what’s wrong. There’s a first for writing a letter to your presumed dead but definitely alive and too stubborn to die best friend. 

If you happen to find this or feel that I'm writing this or anything....

Come back. Please.

I need you.

Yours Always,

Maria Rambeau


End file.
